Heartbeats
by weatheredlaw
Summary: I feel your heart beat. Beat. Beat. And it is in tune with mine. As it should be. A drabble. Mature for language and themes.


**A/N:** I know, I know, I KNOW I need to be working on "Why We Don't Look Back." I know. BUT. I love this song and it's a good idea for a one shot. Lemon? I don't know. Maybe. If there is, you've been warned. If there isn't and that's what you were looking for, sorry. Also, I'll be starting a little....project after the next big fic is done. Stay tuned.

**Disclaimer: I own only my plots and OC's.**

**Heartbeats, by Jose Gonzales, originally by The Knife**

_One night to be confused  
One night to speed up truth  
We had a promise paid  
Four hands and then away_

I think what I like most about us is the first moment. You and I, we're together. We're a whole. We're one. We're the damn Empire State Building and an ocean. You know why? Because what we have is big. What we have is deep. And what we have seems impossible. What you and I have? It's destiny. Fate. The fucking stars are lined up, you know what I mean? It's like the planets saw you being born and saved you for me. And when I was born, they said, "This is him. And he belongs with him. And they belong together. And nothing will tear them apart. Nothing." And we were stuck that way. Didn't matter that I couldn't touch you. Or that you were cold. Or I was afraid. Because when it was all over, that didn't matter.

_Both under influence  
We had a divine sense  
To know what to say  
Mind is a razor blade_

It's like getting drunk, you know? You drink for two reasons: you're happy or you're sad. The last time I drank sad, my stomach spent the next week paying for it. I lived by the toilet for two days. It was nasty. But when I'm with you, I'm top-of-the-world drunk. I'm a million bucks drunk. I'm the king of the fucking world drunk. God, it's like when I'm with you, the band is playing and the moon is full and the whole world is turned away so I can just look at you and think about how god damn lucky I am. When I'm with you, it's like champagne bubbles in my blood. Fizzing right up to my brain.

The one time I smoked weed, I did it in the dorm room of one of the kids in my history class. College, you know, is a wonderful place for marijuana. It's everywhere. It's running rampant through the campus. I sat on a bed and listened to them all talk while I counted ceiling tiles. Then, one of the guys asked me, in a real low voice, "Hey, Yugi. Do you, you know, screw guys the way you screw girls?" We all laughed, but they stopped quickly to hear my answer. I knew what he wanted to know: was I gay?

"No," I said. "You screw them both differently." That got a laugh. But the guy kept looking. "If you're asking if I'm gay, the answer is no."

"But you've got this guy..." They must have seen you. And me. And us. Together. The ocean, remember?

"Yeah. I know. He's my soul mate," I said with every bit of sincerity I had. Everyone nodded. You don't have to explain these things to college students. We understand. We don't ask whether you like chicks or dudes or even act like it matters. We just go with the flow, take it as it comes, live with it as it is. Because what is, is whatever is, right?

_To call for hands above  
to lean on  
Wouldn't be good enough  
for me, no_

I told you the best sex we ever had was the night I got high. You were pissed. So fucking angry it was like bees had nested in your blood. How could I do that? What was I thinking? And I was pissed because I said it was one time. And it wasn't that great. The weed, anyway. And the only reason the sex was phenomonal was because I could feel you, not just inside me, but within and around me. I could feel you in my atoms and in my brain and in my blood and in my heart. You were under my skin and every part of you was crawling around on me and through me and it felt so fucking unbelievably good that I knew I had to savor every minute of it. When you kissed me, you kissed every molecule in my body. When you released in me, you released into every cell I had. When I came, it was like the whole world had decided to be silent and still and alive. Like that moment in time had been made for me.

And you just stared at me. Like you didn't know me. And then you laughed. Asked me where you could get some of that stuff. And I told you that if we really wanted to, we could feel that way without the weed. We didn't need it to feel each other everywhere. And we tried. And it worked. And the planets and the stars felt vindicated. I felt vindicated. Did you? I know I did. I remember the first moment I could touch you. I remember that, in that first moment, all the thoughts I'd hidden from you, the thoughts of love and connection and planets, it was all worth it. The secrets came bursting from me in a nanosecond as I felt you return it all. You felt the same way and it was worth every second of feeling secluded from you.

_One night of magic rush  
The start a simple touch  
One night to push and scream  
And then relief_

The first time we made love, I swear I heard the universe laughing. I swear I could feel it smiling and applauding us as we finally realized its plans for us to be together. I could truly feel destiny being fulfilled. That all those other moments were just testing us for the here and now. And the world understood why we didn't do it before. It understood why we couldn't touch and hold before. And it was making up for that. You were making up for that. You made me feel perfect that first night. And every night after that. Every time we made love, you made me feel perfect. If I am to ever hold or touch another person again, they'll have a lot to compete with.

_Ten days of perfect tunes  
The colors red and blue  
We had a promise made  
We were in love_

When I said it, when I finally spilled the beans, it came out all jumbled and fast. We'd been together already, yes. We'd made love. We'd kissed and fallen asleep next to one another, whispered nothing and everything to one another. But we hadn't said it. Hadn't spoken those words. We were in the park, walking. I remember I tripped and fell, landed flat on my face in the grass of the park. You laugh and knelt down to help me. "Oh _aibou_," you said. "You need to watch your step." And that's when it came out.

"Ahlahbu."

"Hmm?" you asked, pulling me up and brushing grass off of me.

"Iloveyou." You stopped, still as stone, your hand on my cheek, wiping off grass stains. You nodded, pulled me to you. Kissed me.

"And I love you."

Whatever we were holding back escaped that night. I couldn't remember a more passionate embrace, a more heated kiss, a more energized moment than the one we experienced that night. I couldn't contain myself, truthfully. The floodgates were open. The doors unlocked. I couldn't stop myself. Couldn't hit the breaks. And so I didn't. I let it all go and I fell headfirst into you. And I haven't stopped since.

_And you, you knew the hand of the devil  
And you, kept us awake with wolves teeth  
Sharing different heartbeats  
In one night_

What I've been trying to say through all of this, with all of these words that seem like so much more than just words now, is that you have changed me. You have molded me into something new. I remember a boy who was small and quiet. Friendless. Hopeless, almost. You have him the greatest gift: heart. He'd always had a heart, and good one. But you gave him yours. And he became me. And I have become something a little more. Something a little different. Something worth loving, in the end. But you've always loved me, haven't you? From the moment you were born, the planets knew you were meant for me. So they kept you hidden until I could find you. And they never regretted it. And we've never loved them more for it.

I have never felt this way. And I never will again. I carry you in my heart when you're not around and you carry me in your arms when you are. Life is strange, that way. It twists and turns and lets us dance our way through its never ending ebbs and flows. Pushes us along like leaves and foam. Only lets us be who we are and should. Lets you be you and me be me and us be us and us be together. I wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
